#19: The martyr and the putz

 
I believe that the level of solid self is lower, and of the pseudo-self is much higher in all of us than most are aware. It is the pseudo-self that is involved in fusion and the many ways of giving, receiving, lending, borrowing, trading, and exchanging of self.  […] The best example is a love relationship when each [partner] is trying to be the way the other [partner] wants [them] to be, and each in turn makes demands on the other to be different.
— Family Therapy in Clinical Practice, Dr. Murray Bowen

With additional help from Marriage and Family Therapist Lorna Hecht